the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
