I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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