so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
