I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
