I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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