Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You can't just leave with hair like that
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
