I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
