I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
