Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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