Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
