she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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