maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
