Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
