3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
