weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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