lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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