You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
