now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
