I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
