hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
