I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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