Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
then he tried to convert me to islam
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
