You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
