You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
