the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I didn't notice because vodka
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
