I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im holly from the hills drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
