Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
