I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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