I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
