dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
