Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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