he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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