Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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