I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
