Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
