it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
