I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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