hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
