A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
