i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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