ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
