My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
