i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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