no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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