I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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