He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
