"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
