if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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