my mouth tastes like poor choices
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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