dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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