Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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