Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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