Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
