I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
