I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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