Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
