I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
