Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
