she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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