i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
